When I teach infant massage, I usually do a
little relaxation exercise with parents before they touch their babies.
I have them put their hands on their hearts, then breathe into their hearts
and think about what they want their babies to know--all the unspoken devotion
they feel--and to visualize that coming through their hands. When they do
that, the babies become still immediately. Babies have an innate wisdom;
they know exactly what people feel, and they respond to it.
A dance occurs between the caregiver and the baby. The baby stills
and focuses, which in turn feeds the mother to focus and still herself
even more. Then they start communicating nonverbally through smiling, cooing,
and the aromas they exude. All of this deepens the bond. The two feed off
of one another. How can you not respond to a baby that is smiling? It just
melts your heart.
I am a registered nurse with ten years of
hospital experience. One common denominator among the people I saw in the
hospital was that they all wanted to be taken care of. They all wanted
to be touched--not just given chemical medications and hooked up to
machines. This is not what life is about.
That realization got me interested in
infant massage, because I felt that somewhere along the line, most of these
people didn't get the nurturing touch they needed. It made sense that giving
this was important early on in a person's life, not because of need or
pain or sickness, but so that we each can know that we are special. During
my four years as an obstetrical nurse, I saw how traumatic it was to be
born. I saw that the initial touch experience common in hospitals is intrusive,
invasive and painful to babies.
In 1986, I became certified to teach by the
International Association of Infant Massage. In 1991, I took further training
and began to teach through the WINDO (Women in Need of Drug-free Opportunities)
project of AODP (Alcohol and Other Drugs Program). At that time I trained
with a woman who had experience with moms who had used drugs and babies
that were drug-affected.
The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School
of Medicine has amassed a great amount of research on the effects
of touch--beginning with the effects of massage on premature babies, and
on those exposed to cocaine. They found that babies who were touched and
fed the same food as those who were not touched gained weight 33% faster
and cut their hospital stay by an average of ten days. At $1,000 a day,
this saved $10,000 in hospital costs per baby. This started other research
on the relationship between touch and the immune system, neurological growth,
respiratory processes, digestion and elimination. Now the Institute is
researching touch as it affects all kinds of disease processes.
I have found that babies who are massaged
sleep better at night, are calmer and are better able to handle stress.
Massage also aids elimination and reduces colic. Children who are touched
and massaged develop better motor and communication skills. They are more
trusting in general, and bond better with their parents and peers. This
helps mothers to feel more empowered and confident as parents, because
they know how to calm their babies. My experience at AODP with mothers
who used drugs during pregnancy demonstrates that the calmer the mother
is, and the more present she is with her baby, the better able she is to
meet her baby's needs on all levels. The massage is as relaxing for the
parent or caregiver as for the baby. I have also done a little teaching
of foster parents through the department of Social Services. For severe
genetic disorders and medically fragile infants, massage can be crucially
important.
Mothers to whom I have taught infant massage tell
me that they understand their baby's preverbal language better, and that
as their children grow they want to continue to be touched--for pure contact,
for relaxation or to go to sleep at night. As the children get older, they
often ask their mothers to massage their head, neck and shoulders when
they get headaches, rather than take pain relievers. Research has shown
that children who are massaged are more nurturing and gentler with their
friends.
Babies understand us. Their intelligence is much higher than we think.
I show a video to moms at AODP called "Babies Know More Than You Think"
by a psychologist named David Chamberlain, Ph.D. The video based on his
practice shows that many adults remember their babyhood through what
is called "cellular memory." When babies cry they are not always uncomfortable
in the moment. They might be recalling a memory from their birth or prenatal
life. Babies have been shown to respond to music they heard in utero more
than other music. They know and respond to the voices of people who are
familiar to them more than the voices of strangers. One young child described
details of the appearance of the inside of a house where his mother had
lived when she was pregnant with him, and the details of a conversation
his mother had there. None of this had ever been discussed or described
to him after his birth. These testimonies point to a different type of
memory that could be explained as either cellular or neurological. A fetus's
memory of what was going on outside the womb can only be explained as what
is commonly referred to as out-of-body awareness, much like what people
describe when they recall seeing themselves in surgery or after a near-death
experience.
A mom came to my office once with a baby who
was screaming from what she thought was colic. Generally I don't touch
the babies, because the bonding experience is for the parents and caregivers.
This mother would massage her baby but was really scared, so I asked if
I could hold the baby. I stroked the baby's stomach and abdomen, and she
let out a fart. Her belly softened, and she instantly stopped crying. She
looked at me and then started smiling at me as if to say, "Thank you for
doing that!"
Being an instructor allows me to point out
how babies are responding to touch. Moms are then able to observe what
is going on. For instance, I may see that the baby's leg has just relaxed,
or that the baby is now looking at the mom rather than a picture on the
wall. Sometimes a mother doesn't realize this until it is pointed out.
Then all of a sudden they feel proud of themselves. Many people just do
things to babies without noticing how it affects them.
When I teach a group of caregivers with babies,
the group members feed off of each other. They give each other support
about parenting, share experiences and observe each other. Some of the
classes have continued meeting on their own--to get together for a childcare
exchange where moms can talk about common everyday concerns, experiences,
stresses and solutions. Babies also love to interact with each other. They
look at each other, gurgle, coo and reach out with their hands to touch
each other. They socialize like we do--even though we often don't give them
the opportunity. Babies need to socialize with other babies and small children.
They share communication and develop strong loving bonds with each other.
If a young toddler walks into a room where an infant is present, that infant
automatically wants to communicate. It recognizes the kid energy. A baby
would much rather socialize with someone close to their own age than with
adults. They have fun together.
Another primary inspiration for me in learning infant massage came
from my own therapy. I was accessing information within myself--knowing
that my birth was not intended, and knowing of 
abortion
attempts. I had experienced times when I didn't want to be alive. Once
I accessed that information inside myself, many issues started to clear,
even though I had not been told details by any one.
After feeling safe, nurtured and
wanted in the corrective therapy I was receiving, the information and truth
came up. By being still and quiet and being held, I realized that my father
was not my biological father. This happened early in therapy. Somewhere
there was another truth than what I consciously knew. I asked my mom about
that, and she denied it. Six or seven years later, when I accessed the
memory again, she still denied it. Then when she was ill and received a
blood transfusion, I saw what her blood type was. I also knew my father's,
and I knew mine. Their blood types could not have produced mine--so I had
proof. I confronted my mother again a year later, and she told me everything.
The blood typing was what made her tell me. I told her that I felt I deserved
details, and even though I felt sad, I was relieved to know the truth.
My mother told me everything--that I was the
product of an affair outside her marriage, and that she didn't want to
be pregnant with me. First she went to a doctor who inserted something
into her cervix, but it didn't work. Then she took an herbal preparation,
and that also didn't work. Another time she intentionally moved heavy furniture
in hopes that she would abort. It didn't happen. Somewhere along the line
in my therapy, I finally understood spiritually that God intended me. That
was what was most important. I needed to go through what I did for some
reason, but as long as I stayed attached to God I would be okay.
I was afraid early on in life that if I didn't stay real attached I
would die. I held onto my mother's hand a lot. I was also constipated for
many years, as my abortion survival experience affected my ability to let
go of waste--and of negative feelings. I also remember thinking that I couldn't
live without my mother. I used to tell her that I hoped that I would die
before she did. I think I was repeating the abortion threat--that the intention
was for me to die and for her to live. Somehow I "remembered" that, and
thought it would be best if that happened.
Once the truth was confirmed, I felt better.
Even though I had been lied to for many years, I now felt relieved and
empowered. I already knew the truth, but when it was finally confirmed,
a new level of wellness came over me. The lies and deceit had set up a
level of distrust of everybody. Once the truth was told, regardless of
how painful it was, I felt I could begin to trust myself and other people.
The most damaging thing we can do to our children
is to lie to them--to think we are protecting them by not telling the truth.
It's not fair. It robs them of trusting themselves. When parents lie to
their children, it teaches them to lie to themselves. Babies and children
mirror what is around them. They learn what is taught to them, and grow
up with the belief systems of their parents--whether they are healthy or
not. They take this on as reality, but somewhere inside, they always know
the truth.
When people tell me their feelings about what has happened to them,
I listen. I don't have to do anything--just listen. So an important part
of teaching infant massage is teaching parents and caregivers to simply
listen to their babies, which for the most part they don't do naturally.
Parents really don't need to interpret a baby's cries or sounds, or do
things to make them happy. They may just need parents to listen--not to
try to fix them. Babies want to be heard--to be acknowledged and respected
like every other human being on Earth. What are we teaching children, when
we just want them to stop crying, rather than listening to their fear or
sadness or anger or boredom or nightmares? Of course, if there is a diaper
pin sticking them, they want it removed; or if they are cold they want
to be warm--but sometimes babies just feel sad or scared or angry and want
to be heard. Sometimes the simple acknowledgement of who they are--a human
being with feelings--is enough to help them to stop crying. They don't have
to have a reason to feel what they feel. They can just feel. The world
would be a different place if we could all do that for each other. For
starters, if children were respected and honored through nurturing touch,
they might not grow up wanting to kill or hurt other people. They wouldn't
hit other children. They would want to be kinder to their friends. Children's
mentality would be different. Who knows? We might even give up war.
What we call negative feelings are not easily
accepted in our culture. The message we give is, "Don't feel that." In
infant massage class, we teach caregivers to honor the feelings of their
babies. If children are raised this way, they can grow up feeling secure,
and articulate in expressing their needs. The way we raise our children
is our best opportunity to impact the world. The children are our future.
We can say, "I have done my best job to honor and teach you, and now I
am giving you to the world."
Lillian Cohn, RN, has had a private massage practice
since 1980, and has been involed with infant massage and perinatal education
since 1986. She is currently working as an RN, a case manager at Mendocino
Department of Social Services, In Home Support Services. There she helps
elders and adults with disabilities to stay safe and independent at home.
was established in 1992 by Tiffany Field, Ph.D., at the University
of Miami School of Medicine. TRI is dedicated to the study
of the effects of touch at all stages of life, and to demonstrate its benefits
to the medical community.
The TRI website at http://www.miami.edu/touch-research
contains citings for the following (partial) list of benefits of touch
and massage therapy:
Decrease in length of labor, childirth pain and anxiety, reduction
in perinatal complications, facilitation of weight-gain in preterm infants,
improvement of neonatal performance on the Brazelton scale, improvement
in sociability and soothability of babies, improvement in sleep patterns
in babies and children, heightening of alertness and cognitive performance
in children, positive alterations in the immune system, reduction of pain,
reduction in stress hormones, alleviation of anxiety and depression, reduction
in aggression, improvement in eye contact, positive affects on asthma,
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, eating disorders, skin
conditions, diabetes and headaches.
With at least thirty percent of girls and ten percent of boys being
sexually molested before age eighteen, parents and teachers have become
more afraid that their physical affection might be misinterpreted. Therefore,
children are being deprived of touch at a very early age.
Ashley Montagu states that "such alarm is understandable
in a society that has so confounded love, sex, affection, and touch. The
genuinely loving parents have nothing to fear from their demonstrative
acts of affection for the children or anyone else."
Investigators suggest that touch deprivation in
childhood can lead to a number of emotional disturbances including depression,
autistic behaviors, hyperactivity, sexual aberration, drug abuse, violence,
aggression and crime. Lack of sensory stimulation in childhood may also
lead to addiction to sensory stimulation in adulthood.
